I recently realized another big difference between American friendships and French friendships that made a big impact on me. It's the art of spending time doing nothing in particular with friends. Let me explain...

Since being back in France, the usual activities of meeting with friends and family on a regular basis have recommenced. Having people over for lunch, dinner or apero, visiting friends for the weekend in the south of France and having friends visit us in Paris for the weekend as well. Upon reflecting over the time we've spent with friends, I realized that the two main activities with them are simply talking and eating. I say "simply" not because these two acts are boring or unimportant, but because of their brilliant simplicity yet profound impact on the relationships with friends.

When I think back over the past few months, I must have spent dozens of hours just talking with friends over a good meal. Admittedly, I didn't understand everything as I'm still learning French, but I am definitely beginning to understand more and able to participate more in the conversations. In contrast, when I reflect back on my experiences with friends and get-togethers in America they almost always involved going out to a restaurant or coffee place, for about two hours, brushing over the latest updates and changes in our lives. At the time, I always assumed this was "normal" in that this is the way friendships are everywhere. On the rare occasions that I might visit with someone overnight or for the weekend, it always involved some sort of planned activity. Going to a movie, out to a restaurant of course or window shopping. Now that is not to say these things are bad. I rather enjoy all of them in fact. However, what strikes me is that in France the primary focus of getting together is to talk about one's life in a deep way. To share your struggles, your joys, your hopes and dreams, your frustrations, observations, etc. C'est tout. At no point does anyone ask, "so what are we doing this weekend/this evening?" It's just expected that the main focus and activity is to talk.

Of course the other part of this is the eating part which I've become quite good at and enjoy thoroughly. In fact, cooking for our family and friends is becoming a newly discovered passion and joy for me that I never knew before. It's a big way that French people show their love and affection for one another as well as just being a pleasurable activity. And so, a meal can typically last for hours as friends take their time eating while telling stories and finding out about each other's lives. There's no focus on the clock or pressure to finish at a certain time because someone has an appointment to get to or another activity scheduled later in the day. When you spend time with friends and family-- that's the activity. Plain and simple.

And so, during a typical weekend with friends we typically don't leave the apartment at all. We live in a wonderful part of Paris, mind you, with lots to do and see in walking distance, but in the end, the best moments have been just sharing time together talking. When we are feeling particulary "crazy" we might play a board game, watch a movie with everyone on our bed (this is pretty funny), or my favorite which we recently did with friends spontaneously-- dance.

At the end of the evening, it's not uncommon for us to have a few different friends staying over at the same time or someone might spontaneously decide to spend the night rather than having to take the metro home, and so we just open up the pull-out couch and wish them "bonne nuit." In the morning we prepare pain au chocolate or brioche and some cafes and recommence the main activity of talking.

By the end of the evening or the weekend, you've essentially done "nothing" in particular, yet for me, these are some of the best moments and memories and part of the French art of being with friends.

Yesterday has to be one of the best days of my life. I know this sounds like a pretty bold statement, but the day really blew me away for reasons that most people might find strange but were profound for me. Only two days after arriving in France, my boyfriend and I were awoken at 9am by friends who greeted us with fresh croissants and pain au chocolate at our apartment. They came to the apartment to share a "petit dejeuner" since we were going to a protest march in Paris later in the day together. Having lived in France long enough and knowing the spontaneity of the culture, I woke up in my pink and gray flannel pajamas and greeted my new French friends and then headed to the kitchen to help prepare breakfast without batting an eye. In the past, this would have been a strange thing to have happen, but now I am really beginning to enjoy hosting and entertaining even when it's unexpected. This is an amazing part of French culture that most Americans don't know about. It's this "Latin" part of France and a lot of European culture that impresses me so much. The focus on friendship and family and just enjoying life. Taking all the time in the world to simply sit and enjoy a cappucino with a friend or spending an entire day together with a group of friends just laughing, talking and sharing.

So back to my "typical" day in France... After hosting breakfast, I got ready and headed out to a protest march along the streets of Paris. This is another part of French culture that I don't think a lot of Americans or people know about perhaps, which is that French people love to protest for all sorts of things. They are very active in their political process and creation of laws and frequently express their discontent when they don't agree with something in France. So, like a typical French person, we headed to the streets of Paris and walked 5km for equal rights of the LGBT community. We met up with a group of about 15 friends beforehand to create signs and share lunch together and then were on our way. Walking through the streets of Paris with hundreds of people behind me, music blaring, and signs ablazing was pretty amazing I have to say. Something I will never forget for sure.

After marching for about 5 hours or so, my boyfriend and I headed home to host a dinner for our 15 friends. Although admittedly, I was pretty tired at this point in the day, it was a really cool experience to create a meal for so many people, unexpectedly, and to share a dinner with so many new friends. Again, this is something very typical of French culture. Creating a meal for a large group of people at a moment's notice and not thinking anything of it. It's completely normal here to do something like that unlike in America where we tend to need to plan things well in advance and mark them in our calendars before they can happen. This flexibility and welcoming people into your home without hesitation is something I greatly admire about French people and I am learning from as well. So, in a dimly lit courtyard, with a bunch of plastic chairs, an old table and lots of paper plates, we put out a melange of simple foods and just ate and talked, enjoying each others' company. We didn't worry about the presentation or needing to put out fancy dishware. We just put out what we had and enjoyed it. No fuss, no stress. And of course, at the end of the evening, each person said good-bye to everyone with the typical kisses on the cheek, and a lot of "bonne soirée's" and "bonne nuit's" later, we ended our day.

Again, I realize this may not seem like a special day for a lot of people. But for me, it was perfect because it was all about connecting with people and enjoying the moment. It was about "going with the flow" and just taking in what life was presenting. It was filled with smiling, laughing, dancing, self-expression, sharing and of course, eating, and for me, there's nothing better.

After more than one year since my return to Los angeles, California, I finally made the big move back to France permanently. Over a week ago, I boarded a plane to Paris with my French boyfriend after a year of working in Los Angeles in order to replenish my depleted savings account and to put away money for my future endeavors abroad. I have to say, it was a very strange feeling when the plane took off from LAX and I watched my nativeland retreat gradually from my eyes. My brain had a hard time completely comprehending what was happening and taking in my decision to move to France permanently-- not because I was worried about my decision, but because of the normal loss of saying good-bye to something I had always known. As I watched the LA beaches, Topanga Canyon where I had hiked so many times and Palos Verdes fade away, I became a bit nostalgic I have to say. We also flew over the Grand Canyon, and as I watched this beautiful expression of nature pass by I knew it would be another year before I would visit this country again. There something very surreal about leaving your birthland permanently that can be hard to explain. It's a metamorphosis of sorts you go through as you let go of the old culture and incorporate the new. Even though I had already lived in Paris for about a year, I knew it would take my brain awhile to catch up to this life-changing event.

Luckily, after landing in Paris, I was quickly reminded of why I made my decision to move and the reasons why I love French culture so much. For example, my boyfriend's friend was kind enough to make the long drive to the airport to pick us up and then gladly helped us carry my 50lb bags up to our apartment on the second floor of our building despite being sick and having been in the ER just the night before. This impressed and reminded me of how strong and giving French friendships are and how they don't think twice to help a friend when they can.

In addition, on the way home from the airport, I was also reminded of all the small, practical cars and it made me smile. French people don't care so much about the kind of cars they drive, unlike in the United States where your car is a status symbol and a reflection of your identity. In France, a car is just what it is meant to be-- transportation. A way to get from point A to point B. The French are also very space conscious as their streets are much smaller than in the US, so small cars are very practical and useful. It's this simplicity and lack of concern with materialism that I began to remember about France and reminded me of my new home.

Looking out the windows of our apartment, I could also see the Sacré Coeur just a few minutes away. I looked at all the buildings, the small streets and beautiful architecture and felt very lucky. I realize many people dream of living in Paris at some point in their life or just being able to visit. But I think most people who dream of living in Paris or visiting are typically in love with the romantic idea of Paris that we see in the movies. While these notions are still very valid, I fell in love with France because of it's love of life and it's relationships. The way French people show their love, concern and support for one another and the way they enjoy each day. The simplicity of life and the focus on the quality of your interactions rather than the quantity of your material things. I was truly reminded of this by a simple gesture made by friends in our apartment building when I saw that our apartment manager and another friend in the building had hung up a picture of me and my boyfriend in the hallway outside our apartment. I had always admired the beautiful black and white photos of a few of the long-time occupants of the building that hung on the walls in the building, but never imagined I would one day be in one of them. They had printed the picture, framed it and hung it up as a surprise for me and as a way to welcome me back to France and to the apartment. It touched me very deeply to see this kind of gesture from my French "family" who had adopted me so quickly and with open arms and it made me feel a little bit more "at home."

And so, I begin my new life in my new "homeland" of France. I realize it won't always be easy of course as I re-adjust back to the fast-pace streets of Paris, the noise, the metro and the smell of urine, and also continue to learn the language, make new friends and start my own practice for the first time, but I will take it day by day. And in the meantime... I will enjoy some great food, beautiful sites and good company and my new "French way of life."

Ahhhhh... the summer is now over and so with it, the return of most Parisians from their vacations in August. I had forgotten about this magical time in Paris during the month of August until I was walking home from an appointment at the beginning of the month and I suddenly realized how quiet and more empty the streets were. During the month of August, most Parisiens, and other French people as well, take a big vacation for 2-4 weeks. Many shops, restaurants and even doctor's offices and other facilities will close at some point during the month, leaving Paris with a bit of a ghostly feel. I actually really enjoy it, however, since Paris is typically jammed packed with people and having a bit of a "repose" or rest from this is welcomed.

As a true Parisian now, I also left Paris during most of August and headed south to find the long-lost sun and to swim in the warm Mediterranean ocean. Having traveled to the south of France before, I was excited to have a change of pace from the hectic Parisian life. So, we ventured out by train to see family and friends in Toulouse, Nice and St. Ceré. While in Nice, we swam in the beautiful ocean, had picnics by the sea, visited small nearby villages, saw a castle and took a day-trip to Monaco. I wouldn't recommend Monaco since it is mainly tall buildings and expensive yachts with not much else to see, but I would definitely recommend Nice with all it's charming buildings and being surrounded by nature with the ocean and mountains. It actually reminds me a lot of southern California with the beautiful weather, ocean, mountains, tan, beautiful people and more relaxed life-style. Toulouse is also another favorite city of mine in France and one I would definitely consider moving to in the future. Toulouse is a medium sized city with the benefits of plenty of things to do, a beautiful city surrouded by lots of nature, much less pollution and noise, a less expensive cost of living, and a calmer pace. For nature lovers and sport enthusiasts, the south of France is great. And best of all... there is a lot more sun! Having spent pretty much the whole year in Paris under a gray sky, it felt really good to feel some sun again.

(Nice)

Another exciting and fun part of my vacation was also getting the chance to drive again! Oh mon dieu! My sister-in-law has the tiniest little car I've ever seen with a lawn-mower engine (I could be exaggerating), but it was an automatic so I didn't care. I happily drove around Toulouse when I had the opportunity, feeling as if I was driving a car from one of the rides at Disneyland! Weeeeeeeeee! Of course, I broke a few laws not knowing that in France you can't make a right turn at a red light even if you make a stop first, and others I probably wasn't even aware of, but it felt really good to drive again!!

We also got to help plant some vegetables in my sister-in-law's vegetable garden which was a lot of fun. I saw some of the largest zuchini and bell peppers I have ever seen in that garden! I quite appreciate that many French families living in the suburbs and the countryside grow some of their own fruits and vegetables. It almost seems like a bit of a sport and a sense of friendly competition between neighbors but I really enjoy this aspect of French life.

So, it was with a bit of a sad heart after spending a month in the south that we headed back to Paris. Having now lived in Paris for a year and having traveled throughout France, I can definitely say that I prefer the south. Paris is a wonderful place to visit and to live for a short period of time, in my opinion, but for us nature-lovers the south provides lots of beauty, sun and tranquility.

It's with a sad heart that I start preparing to head back to Los Angeles for six months. My boyfriend and I are going so that I can work and make some "real money" before we set out on more traveling adventures through Southeast Asia and Indonesia next year. Although it's only for six months, I'm sad to leave the French way of life which I've grown very accustomed to now. In many ways, France feels more like a home to me because of the way they see life. Enjoying each day, traveling regularly, taking time to prepare a wonderful meal for the people you care about, lazily sipping a capuccino for several hours outside a cafe, enjoying a picnic or a weekend away with friends where you talk for hours, all the beautiful architecture and amazing history everywhere you turn, and of course, the food-- oh how I love the food.

I'm not exactly sure how this new way of life will fit in with my American roots, but I will try to incorporate my French values into my American life. My biggest shift being the way I see family and friends now and the importance of taking time to share your life and experiences with those you love. I was never someone who enjoyed rushing from one activity or appointment to another or felt a need to busy myself with lots of things, but I've definitely had a long lesson in really enjoying the company of others and just enjoying the moment. I've also had a big lesson in flexibility and learning to allow each day to unfold as it wants. To be open to a different way of living that is more fluid and can bring many unexpected surprises. Some of them bad and some of them good, but they all bring a rich color to your day-to-day life.

As I've said before, the importance that French people give to family and friendship is something I greatly admire and will take with me. Seeing another way of parents relating to their children and seeing children happily walking down the street singing a song or entertaining themselves while at a picnic with their parents and other adults, is wonderful to see. Seeing fathers everywhere, especially on Sundays, with their children, talking to them, teaching them things and just playing with them-- this is what life is about. In short-- sharing. Sharing moments, ideas and just time together. Of course, always managing to share with lots of good food and wine close by. 

However, I won't miss the close proximity to all the crazy people in Paris, the smells on the metro, and the endless tourists. Ha! Yes, the real mark of becoming a Parisian is when you begin to curse the tourists in the metro who can't seem to figure out where they need to go. It's quite ironic I understand since I haven't lived that long in Paris, yet I find myself acting "Parisian" sometimes when I'm whizzing through the metro, when I'm saying "oui" instead of "yes" while speaking English, buying my daily baguette or indulging in my ongoing love affair with French cheese.

Yes, definitely conflicted feelings about going back to Cali, but I know I will be back in France again soon. The French way of life is in my blood now and it will stay with me wherever I go. Merci France! Je t'aime!

After almost five months since my departure from Los Angeles, my parents decided to make the long trip out to Paris to make sure their only daughter was in fact alive and well. I wasn't completely sure if they would actually make the trip since I know they are not big on traveling and long trips, but since I wasn't planning to visit Los Angeles again for another four months, they decided to venture out to another continent.

I was proud of them and touched that they would make such a trip and excited to show them the beautiful city and country that I now call my home. So, after two weeks of my parents first visit to France, I was happily exhausted. My boyfriend and I showed them as much of France as we possibly could in two weeks and I think they now see why I love France so much. They arrived on May 7th after a 10 1/2 hour direct flight from Los Angeles and said they felt like they were packed in like sardines since the seats were so small. Their first contact with Parisian culture and way of life was, of course, the RER and metro. It was a bit tricky for them to figure out how to get through the turnstyle intially with their tickets, but eventually they got it down. After they were situated in their hotel in Montmartre and had a bit of a nap, we began our two week "Tour de Paris/France." We started by taking them through my local streets of Montmartre to see the Moulin Rouge, the Sacré Coeur and all the wonderful cafes, restaurants, shops and boulangeries. Then we took them to the Tour Eiffel, Arc de Triomphe, Champs Elysées, Notre Dame, Louvre, Trocadéro and the Musée d'Orsay. We then headed out for a few days by car to the northwestern part of France called Brittany or Bretagne.

Our first stop was my boyfriend's sister's house for lunch in Rouen so my parents could meet some of his family. I had a great time seeing my parents mingle with my French "in-laws." We had lots of fun eating, laughing and drinking wine and I particularly enjoyed watching my "in-laws" trying to sell their house to my parents and my mother considering it! Hilarious! My parents fell in love with Rouen and the beautiful cathedral in the center of the town. (If you ever get to visit Rouen, make sure to go inside the cathedral. I was actually more impressed with this than the Notre Dame and there were a lot less people inside too.) And to further help my parents adapt to French culture, I bought my father some of the obligatory scarves that all French people wear, which he ended up wearing the rest of the trip.

From Rouen, we headed to see Mont St. Michel. It was quite beautiful to see with the surrounding ocean and marshes all around and the little city was very quaint. It was a bit expensive though since you now have to pay 8 euros to park and if you want to go into the cathedral you have to pay another 9 euro per person which seemed a bit much so we skipped this part. We then headed to St. Malo for an overnight stay and to enjoy the beach-side city with it's wonderful history and quaint feel. My mother was also able to enjoy a bit of gambling since they have a small casino, although definitely not the same as Las Vegas.

(Mt. St. Michel)

(St. Malo)

Lastly, we headed to Brocéliande for a beautiful hike through the "magical" forest. Apparently, there are many legends about Merlin the Magician, King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable and fairies here. I don't know much about these legends but I can say the area is quite picturesque and peaceful. The yellow wildflowers called, Colza, were in full-bloom everywhere and were absolutely magnificent as well as all the beautiful trees and other flowers.

(Brocéliande)

I think this four-day trip was definitely my parents as well as my favorite part of their vacation, as it was completely different from Paris and being around so much nature was very relaxing. Living in Paris can sometimes get to be a bit much with all the people and buildlings, so I find that getting out of it to visit other cities is a nice and needed change of pace.

Two of the last things we did with them which I think impressed them greatly, was watching the Eiffel Tower at night when it glitters each hour. It was cute to see my parents like children at Christmas time looking at a Christmas tree with their eyes wide open saying, "wow" and "ooooooh." I also love watching the Eiffel Tower glitter at night. It's quite an impressive site and a "must see" on a first trip to Paris. We then took them to see Versaille which was also quite eye-opening and dazzling. The tickets to see the Palace and garden area are about 25 euros per person which seemed pretty expensive but it's definitely a unique place to visit. We were advised to see the garden area first since the line to enter the Palace at the beginning of the day can take about 2 hours. This turned out to be great advise since by the time we entered the Palace later in the afternoon there was no line at all. Although the Palace is quite impressive inside, there were lots and lots of tourists which made it difficult to enjoy it. I actually appreciated the garden much more and my parents did as well as they pretended to be royalty walking through the garden together! We got some really funny videos of them dancing together which I thoroughly enjoyed and will never forget. Also, be aware that there are different "fountain shows" througout the garden and throughout the day. This was also a nice treat to enjoy since you get to hear beautiful classical music and to see a water-fountain show.

All-in-all I think my parents can now see why I love France and Paris so much. Between the amazing food, wine, pasteries, cheese, coffee, sites, architecture, history, music, culture and people, what's not to love! Hopefully, they will make another trip back here some day so we can show them the south of France like Toulouse, Nice, Albi and Carcassonne, but if not, I think they have a good taste of what France is like. I want to thank my parents for making the long journey to visit their crazy daughter and her crazy French boyfriend in another continent and to being open to a completely different culture country. I also want to thank my amazing boyfriend who "put up" with my crazy family for two weeks and without whom we would not have seen as much as we did. Merci beaucoup! Bisous!

Finding a job in France is not a particularly easy task for foreigners as many people already know. Being able to speak only a basic level of French also doesn't help matters when trying to find a job either. For those who may be thinking about trying to work in France for the first time doing a non-professional job there seems to be a few limited options. The primary job for young and non-professional foreigners is being an "au pair" or nanny. This seems to be a popular job for a lot of foreigners in France because it can allow you an automatic place to live if you're a live-in au pair, it can give you a taste of French family life and can also expose you to the language. Currently, I have a friend who is a live-in au pair and there seems to be a few negatives to be aware of. One, as a live-in au pair you're definitely underpaid and overworked. I hate to use the word "slave" here, but you're very much at the beckon call of the needs of the family and most of your time is spent taking care of the children and tending to the needs of the household whether it be cooking, cleaning, taking the kids to and picking them up from school, helping with homework, etc. Depending on the family, you may also be asked to help out on the weekends although this is usually supposed to be your time off. This job seems to be a bit isolating, so it seems to be a good idea to also enroll in a French class or to have some other activities scheduled so that you get to interact with other people than just the family. The hours of work for the family varies of course, it's typically Monday through Friday for 5-8 hours per day and the pay is minimal since they are providing room and board. My friend says she only gets around 80 euros per week for all of this plus when the family goes on vacation she goes with them as well and has to be available non-stop. The other problem also seems to be that if you don't get along well with the parents or the children, this can also be difficult since you're with them all the time. Although I've spoken about my enjoyment of the French parenting style and way of family life, I've also experienced the opposite side of this with parents and children who seem very stressed and can be difficult to be around. This of course can be difficult to know until you begin to work with the family, but once you've committed to working with your family and possibly have no other place to move to, you're stuck. You can also look for au pair jobs that aren't a live-in situation which obviously gives you more freedom, but you'll need to secure your own housing. A magazine I would definitely recommend for English-speaking foreigners in France is "Fusac" (www.fusac.fr). You can find it in some hostels, english-speaking book stores, the American embassy and other random public places and it's a great resource for English-speaking people looking for jobs, apartments, etc. You can also find a lot of agencies who help place au pairs in this magazine as well.

The job I opted for which also seems to be quite popular in France, is to be an English tutor/babysitter. If you're a native English speaker, this is another excellent way to obtain a job since a lot of French people want to learn English. You can advertise to work as a personal tutor getting money under the table, or you can work with agencies who hire tutors to teach children and teenagers. If you have any sort of teaching credentials or experience, you will have an easier time and you can apply for jobs working with adults teaching business English which I think pay more. Not having any teaching credentials, but a background working with children, I opted to apply with a company called Babylangues who hires tutors to work with children ages 3-12 teaching English. These jobs also don't require you to already know French which was another bonus for me. Be aware however that the ads for these types of companies don't accurately tell you how much they actually pay. The advertisement indicated 13-26 Euro per hour but in fact it really only pays 10 euro per hour after taxes. I'm not sure who they pay the 26 euro to, but it's definitely not for the tutors. On the positive side, I went to just one interview and was hired the same day and before I had even signed any paperwork, they were already trying to connect me with some potential families. This in fact was a bit strange since in America I was always used to going through the human resource process of completing your initial paperwork and the agreement about how much you were getting paid, but with this company, they didn't do this.

Having worked with this company now for over a month and having worked with two different families, I can say the company is quite disorganized and the children you are assigned to can vary greatly. I was initially assigned to a 5 year old little boy for three days per week. My duties were to pick him up from school and walk him home, give him a snack or "gouter," play with him, take him to the park, give him a bath, his dinner and during all this time speak English with him to expose him to the language as much as possible. The teaching style of these types of companies who work with children is more natural where you don't use any text books or exercises but rather day-to-day life as your primary teaching tool. This can be interesting however when the child is very young and you don't speak French. Although the company says you don't need to know French, I, in fact, think a basic level is important in order to communicate with the child about things and also to be able to understand what they're communicating and needing. Unfortunately, the boy I was assigned was quite challenging and the very first day I enjoyed the experience of a child who was trying to hit me while screaming and crying because he didn't want to take a bath. Yikes! Having worked with emotionally disturbed children before it was not the first time I had seen this, but for a tutoring position I was not at all expecting this. I attempted to work with the boy and the family for three weeks, but the boy's behavior changed very little and I wasn't willing to deal with it for 10 lousy euros per hour. Thankfully, I was also assigned to a 5 year old little girl and have quite enjoyed working with her. I do however, still find it strange that after one meeting with a family they basically hand over their child and home to you since you are typically alone with the child in their home most of the time. Babylangues did request a criminal background check from my country of origin as well as one from France, but I still think the interview process is quite lacking.

With this kind of job you can expect to work anywhere from 3 hours per week to 15 since your work hours will be from about 4:30 to 7:30 Monday through Friday. With the right family or families this can be a cool experience and not very demanding of your time. It can also give you a better glimpse into French culture and family life since you're in their home, community and picking up the child from school. Just know that the pay won't be anything spectacular and that this particular company is quite disorganized. Also be aware that this company does not help you obtain your social security number or "numero de securité sociale." This was a bit frustrating since I've been told that when you're hired with a French company they're supposed to apply for a provisional number for new employees who don't already have one. The social security number is important to obtain because it allows you to apply for the socialized medical insurance in France. The application process for a social security number is supposed to take about 6-8 weeks when everything is submitted correctly. This rarely happens however, since the health administration in France doesn't tell you about all the documents you have to submit, so the paperwork gets sent back and forth. Ah, French bureaucracy, fun!!

I am aware that there are of course, hotel, retail and restaurant jobs also available but it seems to help if you know someone who is already working in the same place and can recommend you personally. It also seems that you will need to have a basic to intermediate level of French depending on the position. Lastly, another website to check out is www.craigslist.fr for job listings and apartment hunting as well. Happy job hunting!!

I felt a need to write a bit about social greetings in France because I feel it's such an important part of the culture and good to know about when visiting or living here. I had my first introduction to the differences in social greetings the very first day I arrived in Paris to see my boyfriend when upon entering the apartment building we crossed paths with someone who lived in the building who Lucas knew and I made the social faux pas of putting out my hand to shake to say "hello" and noticed the person backing away looking confused. My boyfriend made a quick joke about me being American and how in France everyone gives the double kiss to say hello. Feeling a bit ignorant and embarassed I quickly corrected this mistake and gave the double kiss but it was one of those moments I will never forget and since then have never made that error again. It seems like a small difference but in fact it's quite a big deal in France if you want to try to assimilate and not stick out as a  foreigner.

Now, I've since had many, many discussions with my boyfriend, his friends, family and other French people who would listen that this custom of kissing is very strange for Americans because we grow up either giving a hand shake or a hug to say hello. For us, the thought of kissing someone we just met or kissing everyone you know is very intimate. Coming face-to-face with someone feels too familiar for us whereas paradoxically hugging feels odd to French people. For them, the body contact is in fact a more intimate gesture. Go figure! I suppose it's just the way you grow up and are socialized that determines of course what feels "normal" versus "strange" but this is an ongoing playful argument I have with French people. At this point of course I always give the ubiquitous double kiss, but it still feels strange when I'm first meeting someone.

In addition, there's not only the double kiss "hello" but also the double kiss "good-bye." Saying hello to someone is as equally important as saying a proper good-bye. This is true for the children as well. When entering someone's house, the children are instructed to come from their rooms to always greet whatever visitor has arrived and to also say good-bye to them when they leave. This is a nice difference from American culture, in my opinion, where children sometimes are allowed to stay in their rooms when a visitor arrives or to ignore the visitor as they focus on whatever they are doing instead. For me, in France, the message to the child is that they are a part of the family and that it is socially appropriate to acknowledge when someone enters your home. Even if the visitor is there to see the parents, the children are still a part of the socializing process and are not ignored.

After the double-kiss then comes the other ubiquitous phrase, "Ca va?" which means "How's it going?" The response is almost always, "Ca va et toi?" or "fine, and you?" To which the other person replies, "ca va." This automatic exchange still makes me giggle a bit because it's a part of the whole greeting process each and every time. I think even when people are feeling crappy, are sick or their lives are falling apart, they still answer, "ca va!" It's funny to me.

The other thing French people love to do is at the end of a visit or conversation to send each other off with lots of well wishes about everything. For example, they will often say, "bonne journeé" meaning "good day," or "bonne soireé" for "have a good evening." But they will also say it for other things like if you're going on a trip they will say, "bon voyage" or "bonnes vacances," if you're going to see a movie they might say, "bon film," if you're eating dinner, "bon diner," etc. When my boyfriend started doing this with me I thought it was kind of funny since he would say it for a lot of different things, but now I realize that this is a part of French culture. It can get pretty funny when they say three or four different well wishes in a row, but it's also very sweet and a fun part of the interaction. I realize Americans do this to some degree as well by saying "good night" or "have a good time" but the frequency with which French people do this is definitely cultural.

Another interesting greeting I've observed is in public places like a doctor's office, a veterinarian's office or even an elevator. People will almost always say "bonjour" to everyone around them. I really love this part of French culture because I feel it's a nice way to acknowledge the people in your physical vicinity even if you're complete strangers. Somehow, it makes the mood of the environment more friendly and "cozy" I think. Usually people will say "bonjour" as well in response, but even if noone does, it's still part of the social etiquette it seems. And of course, you then say "au revior" to everyone when you leave the room or space as well.

Hopefully this will help you navigate your way through French culture a little bit easier, and if you get the chance, have a conversation about kissing versus hugging, it's always funny! Bonne journeé et bonne chance!!

I'm departing from my usual style of writing "articles" to just writing my everyday experiences to change things up a bit and to give more of a "goût" or "taste" of my life in Paris. At this moment I'm in the apartment, where my boyfriend and I have been most of the day since the weather is really crappy right now. For the past several weeks the weather is gray, wet, windy and cold. Not apparently typical weather for the end of April. Lucky me!! Being a gal from southern California the lack of sun can definitely affect your energy if you're not careful. I've definitely noticed feeling more tired and less desire to go out of the apartment but I've been combating this issue by using my eliptical machine more to keep my energy up and going for short walks or errands when possible. It reminds me a bit of the months of May, June and July in Los Angeles near the beach where it tends to get very cloudy and gray for long periods of time until the Summer begins and the sun emerges again. All I know, is that I'm eagerly awaiting the sun's return. Paris is a beautiful city, but much more enjoyable when the sun is shining. Even when it got really cold during the winter to temps in the 30's and sometimes below freezing, as long as the sun was out, it was still enjoyable to walk outside, go to a park and get around the city. It doesn't seem to slow the Parisians down however, probably because they're used to this kind of weather. This is something I admire about the Parisians, that even in rainy or cold weather you can still find them riding their bicycles to work in a suit or a dress, or walking through the streets with their bags of groceries and of course, the obligatory baguette. And they do this with a level of grace and elegance, as if nothing can affect them. You can also find them after work, during the cold winter months, sitting outside cafes with their friends drinking a cold beer or a glass of wine as if it was 70 degrees. I realize this may be a bit of a generalization, but I've seen it enough times to feel that it's a part of the culture. In contrast, in Los Angeles, for example, the city tends to be thrown into chaos when it starts raining as most everyone drives and the freeways become littered with car accidents the moment the rain hits the pavement. We've become so accustomed to temps in the 70's in LA, that when it dips below 65, we feel it's a bit cold and begin pulling out our winter coats and wanting to be near a heater.

As soon as the sun comes out though, you can be sure that all Parisians will find their way to the parks and any small patch of grass for that matter where you can have a picnic, lounge and enjoy the warm rays. About a month ago, we had a strange week where the weather was extremely hot and the parks immediately became completely filled with Parisians. In front of the Sacre Coeur and the Eiffel Tower, for example, we enjoyed laying out on the grass along with hundreds of other Parisians and tourists. So I guess while Parisians may be very used to the cold and sometimes gloomy weather, they also seem to really, really love the sun as well. Me too.

Last night I was reminded how ugly and destructive people can be-- even in a beautiful city like Paris. My boyfriend and I went to sleep around 12:30 at night and within 10 minutes I started to hear some very loud noises outside our apartment. At first I thought it was someone in the apartment building slamming their doors or someone having an argument, but when I opened my eyes, I saw a huge, bright orange light shining into our apartment through our windows. I looked at my boyfriend and said, "is that a fire?" and we jumped up out of bed to see a horrifying sight just outside our window. My boyfriend's scooter along with a neighbor's scooter parked across the street were in a blaze of fire! In a state of shock and a sleepy haze, I started asking, "is that your scooter?" "did you park your scooter there?" I kept hoping that we had parked it further down the street, but unfortunately, no. I've never been that close to a large fire before, but it's impressive how destructive it is. In minutes the scooters were reduced to a pile of black metal. All we could do was talk to the police and stand by as we watched our beloved scooter dissolve into nothing-- completely helpless.

We did find out that the culprits of this hideous display of human behavior was likely done by the previous owner of our neighbor's scooter. I won't go into the details, but it seems the previous owner was angry and decided to take revenge by lighting the scooter on fire. Unfortunately, our scooter happened to be parked right next to his and so it eventually caught on fire. Witnesses say they saw two men pour gasoline on our neighbor's scooter and light it. By the time the police and fire department arrived though, our scooter had also caught fire. The two men likely came from the neighborhood next to Montmarte called, Barbes, according to our neighbor. A word to those visiting Paris for the first time, stay away from this area, especially at night. My boyfriend and I have driven through this area many times and occassionally have to walk in the area, and it's a bit scary. Lots of stolen goods are sold in this area, there is a high crime rate and you can find a predominance of what the Parisiens call "wesh, wesh" which are basically gangsters and gangster wannabe's-- and all this just a block away from the posh area of Montmartre.

This a little known part about Paris that most tourists will never know but it does exist, even in Paris. Like Los Angeles, Paris has it's positives and negatives. And like Los Angeles, it also has a huge immigration problem with immigrants who contribute to a lot of the crime in Paris. I realize this may make me sound like a racist, but it's reality and it's important to be aware of when visiting Paris. Having experienced, witnessed and learned about this side of the Paris, it's something I felt I needed to include in my blog. It's not the idealized version that most people think about, but it's just as real. Living in Los Angeles for 36 years, I luckily never experienced some of the things I've experienced in the past two months. In just two months of being in Paris I was robbed in the metro, had a man masturbate on the metro next to me and my boyfriend, was hit by a car, and now saw our scooter go up in flames! It definitely can make one question if Paris is in fact one of the most amazing cities in the world. But, I suppose this is all to say that Paris is a complicated mix of beauty with it's architecture, history, food and culture while also being a place of ugliness with it's crime, conflict and disturbed people. Despite this "other side" of Paris, I still love it. Perhaps one day this feeling will change, but for now I will continue to admire it's beauty while still learning about what it's really like to live here.

 
Our scooter on fire outside apartment
 

The topic of "friendships" has become an increasingly interesting cultural difference for me to discover in France over the past few months. The French have two types of friends, "Les Copains" and "Les Amis." "Les Copains" are the people you see once in a while to have coffee, go to a movie or to do activities with, but the relationship tends to be more superficial and more for the companionship. "Les Amis" are the people with whom you have a deeper relationship. In France, to become someone's "ami," typically takes a longer period of time and the person is "tested" in different ways to determine if they are trustworthy, reliable, supportive, etc. These are not formal tests of course, but they happen naturally over a period of time where both people are mutually involved in each other's lives and offer reciprocal support. An "ami" is someone you can talk to about everything going on in your life, is  someone who is there for you in an emergency and is someone who doesn't think twice about helping you when you need it. While becoming an "ami" may take longer, once you develop this kind of friendship with someone, it tends to be for a very long time, if not a lifetime.

In America, of course, we have similar concepts of "acquaintances, "friends" and "best friends," but what is interesting to me are the differences between "best friends" and "amis." I realize I am making some pretty big generalizations about American culture with this topic, but I think my observations are true on a larger scale. The difference being that friendships in America develop more quickly, but can end as quickly as they started as well. Americans seem to enjoy boasting about the amount of "friends" they have or the amount of people they know, but in reality, they may be more superficial. Additionally, in America, calling on a friend at any hour of the night, or asking them for help in an emergency or during a difficult time, is not something I believe is typically done, and if it is, there will be a lot of guilt involved in asking a friend for this kind of help. To me, Anglo-American friendships tend to have more boundaries and to require more "personal space" whereby you don't demand too much of your friends, you don't typically share everything about your life and you don't call on each other for emergencies. Again, I realize these are large generalizations, and I use the term "Anglo-American" friendships because I think with other ethnicities in America this is probably different. However, I believe with Anglo-American culture, we tend to be more concerned with not "burdening" our friends and with keeping certain things private about our lives. Consequently, while the friendships can be lifelong, the depth of these relationships may not be as deep. I also feel that in Anglo-America, the importance of the family unit as well as friendships are not as important. Although America typically talks about "family values," in reality, America is a nation more concerned with money and consumerism. Again these are generalizations, but as a culture, America is less relationship-oriented and is more goal-oriented. Consequently, developing and maintaining friendships has a different level of importance in daily American life.

This difference can show up in subtle, but powerful ways as well. For example, in France, it's typical to get together with friends and to converse for several hours about all kinds of topics both personal and general. It is also typical to spend several hours during a visit without having another engagement or appointment scheduled right after. Friends are also invited to each others homes for meals, or at the very least, to have coffee and some sort of dessert they have made for the visit. This was a shock for me to realize, since in America, I've always been used to getting together with friends at a restaurant or a coffee shop and preparing something from scratch for a friend is even more rare. I've also noticed that getting together with friends in France is more spontaneous. It's not unusual for a friend to call up a few hours or sometimes just minutes ahead, and to ask to get together or if they can stop by. Similarly, asking to stay a few nights is not a big deal either when a friend is visiting from out of town, and this can also happen spur of the moment. For me, this initially took a little getting used to as I had grown used to my American system of boundaries and scheduling ahead of time, but I now rather like this way of life, and feel it makes for more relaxed and spontaneous interactions.

The frequency of the contact between "amis" in France also seems to be more frequent and consistent than in America. Whether by phone, e-mail, text or Facebook, friends keep in regular contact with each other to ask about what is going on in each other's lives and seem to show a deeper interest. Additionally and most endearingly, the famous, "bisous" or "kiss" will always be given at the end of each contact between friends as well as another "bisou" for the friend's boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse and children. It's a small difference between French and American culture where one might typically say, "talk to you later," or "take care," at the end of a conversation, but it's these small differences, I believe, that add something extra to the interactions and ultimately to the relationships as a whole.

I know I will possibly be labeled as "anti-American," a "communist" or at the very least I will piss some people off by saying all of this, but I think there is something to be learned from these cultural differences. For me, the idea of strong friendships and family relationships is very important, so why not learn and adopt things from another culture when you like what you see. Just something to think about.

When visiting or living in Paris, there are a few things to be aware of regarding safety. Ironically, since last writing  my blog I have already experienced first hand what it's like to be "pick-pocketed" in the subway. It occurred just a few days ago while walking through one of the tunnels between metro changes. Thieves come in all shapes and sizes here, but you particularly need to pay attention to young immigrant girls who typically travel in groups and will often have clipboards in the metro asking for monetary donations for some supposed cause they are raising money for. I had seen them several times in Paris in large groups of young girls between ages ten to sixteen who scope out tourist areas to try and find their latest "victim." They will sometimes surround the victim to try and intimidate and distract them so that one of the girls in the group can steal from the victim, or as a classic pick-pocketer, they will simply follow you and steal from your purse, bag or pockets. This is what happened to me as I was walking in the metro. I felt as if my bag on my shoulder was moving for some reason and when I looked back there was a young girl walking right behind me with noone else around. When I checked my bag, I realized she had stolen what luckily was just a pencil case. So a word of advice, make sure you keep your belongings close and in front of you in the subway. Keep all your valuables tucked away tightly and be aware of your surroundings. They say if you need to use your phone, do it with your back against a wall so that noone can come up behind you unexpectedly while you're distracted with the phone. Also, concerning the use of IPhones, make sure to keep them hidden or tucked away in the metro. This is because there are a lot of IPhones being stolen, particularly in the subways, by thieves who want to resell them I suppose. So, if you can wait until you're out of the metro before making a phone call I would recommend this since you will be less distracted and you won't advertise to potential thieves that you have a phone worth stealing.

As for the young thieves, you can find them in different areas of Paris. I have even seen them in grocery stores trying to steal items from the store and from customers. If you should see them near you, just walk around them or in another direction if you need to to avoid any encounters with them as they can also be aggressive at times. It's a sad reality of living in Paris, but true. It's actually quite sad to see them as they are all undocumented immigrants and you can tell they haven't lived an easy life from their worn-down faces and expressions. I understand they are trying to survive, but it's not fair what they are doing to innocent people.

My other recent experience on the metro involved a more sexual nature unfortunately. I was on the metro with my boyfriend during "traffic hour" in the evening and a man on the metro starting talking casually to us. Mind you, the train was completely packed with other people as well. Within a few minutes I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was scratching himself in his private area, and a few seconds after that he was whistling while  masturbating through his pant pocket! Oh mon dieu! We quickly got off the train when we realized what he was doing. I asked my boyfriend if he had ever experienced this before, and in the ten years he's been in Paris he said this was the first time. Lucky me! I'm not sure you can really do anything to prevent something like this from happening but I would suggest that women need to stay particularly aware of such things when traveling on the metro.

I realize it's very easy for tourists and new visitors in Paris to become completely distracted and overwhelmed by the beauty of the city and all there is to look at and see, but please make sure to pay attention to your belongings when you're admiring everything. Living in Montmartre, I can say this is a high tourist area and therefore a good area for pick-pocketers and other opportunists. You will find lots of different kinds of people asking and begging for money, use your best judgement when giving out money of course, but still make sure to pay attention to your surroundings and your belongings at the same time.

If you're a woman traveling alone, stay in areas where there are a good amount of people and be careful of which metro lines you travel on especially at night. Even though I've lived in a big city like Los Angeles most of my life, in Paris I tend to feel more vulnerable because of the higher concentration of people, the smaller streets, the lack of space and the agressiveness of the men. I don't mean physical agressiveness but rather the men in Paris seem to be much more forward in their approach to women by trying to ask their name and phone-number more readily and particularly if you're walking or sitting alone somewhere.

Paris is a fantastic city, as with any big city though, just make sure to stay aware of your surroundings. Happy travels!

This was a rather funny and enlightening learning experience for me when I learned how French people see Americans. Some of it I had expected, like being seen as very large and overweight, driving big cars and having large houses. But what I hadn't expected is that they assume all Americans speak like cowboys or with a southern accent. I suppose having George Bush as our president for 8 years didn't help this image either. And so, they were all quickly surprised when I didn't speak with this kind of accent and, in fact, they could understand me easily. Since most French people are not fluent in English, Americans who speak fast or mumble their words are difficult for them to understand. They also seemed to have the view of Americans as being a bit arrogant and demanding (I can't imagine where this came from) which ironically is a similar view Americans have of the French. I believe most of these beliefs, however, are based on stereotypes and not on actual experience for the most part. In all the times I have visited France, I've never had a negative experience, and the people who typically have this view have ironically never been to France. Hmmmmm, interesting. So, as I was saying, we're all seen as fat, arrogant, cowboys with big cars and houses. Yeehaw! In addition to this lovely image, Americans are not seen as being very cultured either. Obviously these are huge generalizations, but I believe this is partly due to the reality that Americans don't travel as much and have more of a limited world view. America is also such a new country compared to Europe, that our "culture" isn't rooted in the same plethora of architecture, history and art.

Interestingly however, I also see the injection of American culture in French life and the fascination French people have with Hollywood. The American movies, for example, that are shown in France are typically the big blockbuster action movies like "Mission Impossible," and the music videos seen on TV include Rihanna, Beyonce and Maroon 5. The "CSI" series is also quite popular here and many of the reality and TV shows in France have been adopted from the original American version such as "Big Brother," "The Voice," and "60 minutes." French people are actually quite curious about American culture and want to know about things they've seen in the movies such as our high school and college experiences with fraternities, proms and sports. Even today while I was watching the French news, there was a report about the "Super Bowl," and the different commercials that would be aired.

Many French people have also traveled to the United States and typically go to New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles. French people really love New York and can even be found wearing "I love New York" t-shirts and sweatshirts as well which I find funny. I think the reason for this love of New York is because it is very similar to Paris with it's tall buidlings, compacted city, fine couture and cuisine, rich culture and the similar transportation system.

So, with all this said, my words of advice when traveling are: don't judge someone before you get to know them and don't judge a culture before you get to understand and know it; stay open to the experience of learning from a new culture, regardless of your preconceived ideas; and make an attempt to speak the language and to get to know the people.

Family is a critical and important part of French culture. One of my most stunning observations occurred when I realized that most of the time when I see a mother walking with her child on the street or anywhere, that the father is present and involved in the interaction. I pointed this out to my partner, and he was unaware of this because for him, it's completely normal and typical. I explained how in American culture you don't typically see this and that it's usually just the mother who is typically tending to the child. I was also struck by the calmness of the numerous families I have observed randomly and how calm and peaceful the children are as well. I've had countless observations now of French children in restaurants, planes, stores and just walking on the street who are calmly and quietly sitting or walking with their parents or nanny, without the aid of some sort of electronic devise to keep them occupied. I don't see them screaming, tantrumming or demanding their parents' attention every few minutes, and I see the parents as being relaxed and engaged in conversations with their friends at dinner while the child is able to occupy themselves with their surroundings.

Being a child therapist in America who has worked with children and families for the past 10 years and has observed families in my day-to-day life, I believe that American families are completely stressed out and over-anxious. Parents, and particularly mothers, are expected to be super-human and to manage full-time jobs, maintain a household, while presenting to the world a certain standard of life with the big house, car and all the expected gadgets, and all the while keeping completely busy with lots of meaningless activities. American children are completely overstimulated and lack any concept of how to entertain and be with themselves without lots of distractions and electronics to occupy their minds.

I believe a huge reason for this difference lies in my initial observation of the father being present in the family. I understand this is a generalization, but when all the members of a family are present and interacting, it has a much better chance of functioning better. Secondly, I believe the focus on the quality of life of the individual in France is also a strong contributing factor in this difference. By working parents having more vacation time per year, they have more time to relax and spend with their children. Families also eat dinner together each day at a table and talk about their day, rather than watching television or eating in separate areas. This combination of more free time and positive interaction together seems to contribute to a more relaxed culture and a more relaxed family unit.

Another thing I love about Europe and France is the amazing transportation system. Although I love the freedom of having my own car back in the States, it's also a nice change to take public transportation. It's a completely different world since you interact with and get to observe more people this way. Paris offers a bevy of options for transportation from the metro, to the bus system, to bicycles and cars that you can rent by the hour. Many Parisians also drive scooters, which is my favorite way to get around the city because of the tremendous sense of freedom you feel and the ability to move through traffic more easily and park more easily too. Since scooters are in the majority here, motorists take more care to watch out for them and even move their cars to allow scooters to pass by which is very different from Los Angeles where motorists are often oblivious of motorcyclists and even seem to try to "push" them out the lanes when driving.

What also fascinates me about a city like Paris, or New York I suppose, is that people are in closer proximity to each other on a regular basis which allows for more interaction between lots of different kinds of people. Riding on the metro, for example, you get to see and have the potential to speak to people from all different walks of life and different nationalities. You can observe people playing live music, singing, dancing, reading, sleeping, etc., and it changes every day. It's a constant source of entertainment for me to watch people passing through the metro. The other side of this however, is that in the midst of so many people, it's also easy to feel invisible. Just the other morning I was in the metro during the time people are going to work and I stopped to take a video of it because of what I saw. Hundreds of people, as if in a trance, moving underground in the metro, all of them appearing very focused and rushed to get to their jobs or wherever they had to go. It struck me that all the people moving in different directions looked like ants in an ant farm or hamsters on a wheel that they couldn't get off of. To see so many people hypnotically going about their lives, running from one place to the next, and ignoring each others' presence completely was sad to see. Of course, I acknowledge this happens in Los Angeles as well, except we get to hypnotically drive and ignore eachother from the comfort of our cars. I then began to notice how people rarely look at each other or smile in the metro. People tend to read their books, look at their IPhones, sleep or stare off into space. It's an interesting contradiction that with so many people confined in such a small space, it's as if we don't see each other. And whether you're actually in a hurry to get someplace or not, it seems that everyone is moving at warped speed and I have to wonder to myself, where is everyone going so fast? Does everyone in the metro need to be rushing or have they been conditioned to do this? I even find myself moving a bit faster than I need to when I'm in the metro because it feels like I need to to avoid being knocked over or left behind somehow.

Morning in the Metro

Nonetheless, for the moment I'm enjoying the entertainment and experience of the Metro. I recently purchased my first metro card, in fact, which is a bit expensive at 62 Euros a month but a good investment if your on the metro or bus a lot. It's also helpful when you're first learning the metro routes to have a metro card since it's easy to get lost and have to take several metros to get where you're going. In the winter, it is also particularly helpful to have the metro card since it's typically too cold to ride the scooter or walk very much. So for now, I will become another Parisian hamster on the wheel and will embrace it's fast pace and colorful people. Viva La France!