Social Greetings

I felt a need to write a bit about social greetings in France because I feel it's such an important part of the culture and good to know about when visiting or living here. I had my first introduction to the differences in social greetings the very first day I arrived in Paris to see my boyfriend when upon entering the apartment building we crossed paths with someone who lived in the building who Lucas knew and I made the social faux pas of putting out my hand to shake to say "hello" and noticed the person backing away looking confused. My boyfriend made a quick joke about me being American and how in France everyone gives the double kiss to say hello. Feeling a bit ignorant and embarassed I quickly corrected this mistake and gave the double kiss but it was one of those moments I will never forget and since then have never made that error again. It seems like a small difference but in fact it's quite a big deal in France if you want to try to assimilate and not stick out as a  foreigner.

Now, I've since had many, many discussions with my boyfriend, his friends, family and other French people who would listen that this custom of kissing is very strange for Americans because we grow up either giving a hand shake or a hug to say hello. For us, the thought of kissing someone we just met or kissing everyone you know is very intimate. Coming face-to-face with someone feels too familiar for us whereas paradoxically hugging feels odd to French people. For them, the body contact is in fact a more intimate gesture. Go figure! I suppose it's just the way you grow up and are socialized that determines of course what feels "normal" versus "strange" but this is an ongoing playful argument I have with French people. At this point of course I always give the ubiquitous double kiss, but it still feels strange when I'm first meeting someone.

In addition, there's not only the double kiss "hello" but also the double kiss "good-bye." Saying hello to someone is as equally important as saying a proper good-bye. This is true for the children as well. When entering someone's house, the children are instructed to come from their rooms to always greet whatever visitor has arrived and to also say good-bye to them when they leave. This is a nice difference from American culture, in my opinion, where children sometimes are allowed to stay in their rooms when a visitor arrives or to ignore the visitor as they focus on whatever they are doing instead. For me, in France, the message to the child is that they are a part of the family and that it is socially appropriate to acknowledge when someone enters your home. Even if the visitor is there to see the parents, the children are still a part of the socializing process and are not ignored.

After the double-kiss then comes the other ubiquitous phrase, "Ca va?" which means "How's it going?" The response is almost always, "Ca va et toi?" or "fine, and you?" To which the other person replies, "ca va." This automatic exchange still makes me giggle a bit because it's a part of the whole greeting process each and every time. I think even when people are feeling crappy, are sick or their lives are falling apart, they still answer, "ca va!" It's funny to me.

The other thing French people love to do is at the end of a visit or conversation to send each other off with lots of well wishes about everything. For example, they will often say, "bonne journeé" meaning "good day," or "bonne soireé" for "have a good evening." But they will also say it for other things like if you're going on a trip they will say, "bon voyage" or "bonnes vacances," if you're going to see a movie they might say, "bon film," if you're eating dinner, "bon diner," etc. When my boyfriend started doing this with me I thought it was kind of funny since he would say it for a lot of different things, but now I realize that this is a part of French culture. It can get pretty funny when they say three or four different well wishes in a row, but it's also very sweet and a fun part of the interaction. I realize Americans do this to some degree as well by saying "good night" or "have a good time" but the frequency with which French people do this is definitely cultural.

Another interesting greeting I've observed is in public places like a doctor's office, a veterinarian's office or even an elevator. People will almost always say "bonjour" to everyone around them. I really love this part of French culture because I feel it's a nice way to acknowledge the people in your physical vicinity even if you're complete strangers. Somehow, it makes the mood of the environment more friendly and "cozy" I think. Usually people will say "bonjour" as well in response, but even if noone does, it's still part of the social etiquette it seems. And of course, you then say "au revior" to everyone when you leave the room or space as well.

Hopefully this will help you navigate your way through French culture a little bit easier, and if you get the chance, have a conversation about kissing versus hugging, it's always funny! Bonne journeé et bonne chance!!